In How I Met Your Mother’s most recent episode, “Sunrise,” Robin gives Ted who she believes are his best and worst “girlfriends” over the years. While she does a decent job with her bottom five, her top five needs some serious work.
The future Mrs. Barney Stinson ranked Ted’s top five as follows: 5) Stella 4) Zoey 3) The Slutty Pumpkin 2) Marshall when they pretended to be a couple to see Barney’s apartment 1) Victoria The only thing that could make that list worse would be if Robin put herself in the top five since she has a very high opinion of herself. Ted has dated a lot of girls over the past nine years; let’s take a look at his real top five. 5) Robin I tried to avoid putting Robin in my top five; I really did. They were a good couple; however, at the time, Robin did not want to get married or have kids. However, she decided to tie the knot with Barney, which means she is actually open to marriage. That must really be tough for Ted knowing that he could not get Robin to commit, but Barney Stinson could. 4) Janet Janet would have been a perfect match for Ted. Besides for being brilliant, she also loved Annie Hall, which was big for Ted. If only he had done it his way and not let his friends talk him into looking her up online; they would be a deadly duo doing the Sunday crossword puzzle. 3) Trudy Trudy was not a prominent character in How I Met Your Mother. Ted and Trudy met in MacLaren’s when Ted turned off his mind and another time when he decided to wear a suit. We do not know much about Trudy, but she seemed to be a good fit for Ted. While she was not the brainiac like Janet (she could be, we do not know much about her), she seemed like a girl that Ted would have had a good time with. 2) Mary the Paralegal Mary was in even fewer episodes than Trudy was. However, she was perfect. Ted had a great time with her, she referenced Star Wars, and she had never been with Barney; it looked as though it was a match made in Heaven. However, Barney had told Ted that Mary was a prostitute and Mary was not too happy when Ted called her a hooker. If only we could have gotten to know Mary better. If Mary had stuck around longer, she could have competed for the number one spot. 1) Victoria This had to be obvious, right? Victoria actually was perfect. She was the best girl ted ever dated (We know very little about the mother and even less about her and Ted together). Plus, she owned a bakery! Does it get better than that? No, it does not. I am not the only one to think they would have made a great couple; if CBS had cancelled How I Met Your Mother, Victoria would have been Ted’s wife. Ok, now that we have gone through Ted’s top five, it is now time to list his five worst girlfriends. It was much easier to come up with five terrible girlfriends, and I am leaving some bad ones off the list. First, let’s take a look at Robin’s list of Ted’s worst girlfriends… 5) Blah Blah 4) Boats, Boats, Boats 3) Karen 2) Zoey 1) Jeanette Robin did a little bit of a better job here, but Boats, Boats, Boats (Becky) is only on the list because Robin was jealous of her co-worker’s popularity. The real bottom five is… 5) Natalie Natalie was not a good fit for Ted. She was not the first time they dated and he should have accepted that the first time they broke up instead of going back and breaking her heart again. Yes, I do feel bad for Natalie after Ted broke up with her on her birthday…twice; however, she was not very likeable, and overreacted to Ted breaking up with her. Who doesn’t tell his or her significant other when his or her birthday is?! 4) Karen Karen was horrible. She was pretentious, arrogant, a lingerer, and did not pass Lily’s front porch test. There was nothing good about her. 3) Strawberry I do not have any problems with vegetarians. That being said, nobody likes a vegetarian who throws it in your face and tries to make you feel guilty for having a nice juicy steak or burger. Strawberry not only looked down upon those who eat meat, but she actually screamed “meat is murder” and threw food at the chef. She ruined the gang celebrating Marshall passing the bar exam. Like they said though, Ted should have known; HER NAME WAS STRAWBERRY. 2) Jeanette Jeanette was number one on my list for a while. He thought it was fate that he ran into her at school. She was actually stalking him. For a year and a half. She was crazy. She would not accept that they were broken up and after dropping Robin’s locket into a river asked Ted to get back together. Cuckoo. 1) Stella I do not understand how Robin had Stella in her top five. She was just terrible. I did not like her even before she left Ted at the Altar. She lied to Ted about liking Star Wars. She refused to move to the city, then moved to the city with Tony. She and Tony portrayed Ted as the bad guy in The Wedding Bride. I could go and on.
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SAMUEL PERICOLOSam is a graduate of Assumption College where he studied History, Marketing, and Political Science and was a Co-Producer on a weekly sports talk television show. Archives
March 2018
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