I know hockey pretty well. I know football very well. I know baseball better than John Farrell does. I know basketball, but nowhere near as well as the other three sports. (Yes, three sports. Soccer is not a sport, or at least a sport that I have any interest in whatsoever.) Yet it is basketball that I am about to talk about. Why is that so? Because it’s time to have some fun with the NBA Trade Machine and you don’t need to know jack about the NBA to have fun with that!
These trades will benefit the Celtics. They're the hometown team, obviously I'm going to try to make them better. (And hopefully not get them in trouble with the law for grand larceny...) How about we start big and bring arguably the three best players, at least at their respective positions, to the green. Trade #1: The Big 3
Alright, so LeBron James, Steph Curry, and Anthony Davis are all in Boston now, and the only player
Starting 5: Curry, Isaiah Thomas, James, Kelly Olynyk, Davis
Trade #2: The Big 4
Alright, now let's try to get crazy. Time to bring FOUR of the best players in the league to Boston! This trade is slightly more unrealistic than the previous trade, because the Celtics would never agree to it. Look at all the green that is being spread throughout the league! They'd lose more than half of their roster! Oh well, their starting five would be pretty solid.
Starting 5: Wesbrook, James Young, Durant, Griffin, Cousins Team #3: NBA All-Defense
We all know that the two previous teams will be able to score. I mean, come on. Curry on team number one and Durant and Westbrook on team number two. BUT, can they play defense?? This team sure as hell can. These five players were either first or second team All-Defense in 2014. (But somehow the Celtics become a far worse team than they were before, while the Grizzlies, who traded Allen for Jerebko, are the only team that technically improves after this deal.) Actually, Duncan is the only player who was second team All-Defense. What a slob.
Starting 5: Paul, Allen, Leonard, Duncan, Jordan Team #4: Austin's Favorite Players
How about we bring some of our favorite players to our favorite team! As a proper host, I will allow my guest to bring his favorite ballers to Boston before I bring mine here. Now, if any of you know Austin, you know his infatuation with Russell Westbrook. I recently asked him if he could choose any player in the NBA to start a franchise with who it would be, and HE TOOK RUSS OVER STEPH. Yeah, I know, this guy claims to know basketball. Whatever helps you sleet at night, buddy. Anyway, his "dream team" we'll call it, was SO EASY to bring together. You want Russ? Ok, bye David Lee. Leonard? See ya, Amir. McCollum? Adios, Turner.
Starting 5: Wesbrook, McCollum, Leonard, Jae Crowder*, Olynyk *Or in Austin's case, Bae Crowder. Crowder moves from the three to the four for this team. Yes, I could start Sullinger in that spot, but Austin, in addition to Westbrook, Leonard, and McCollum, listed Crowder and Olynyk as his favorite players (he didn't know why I was asking for his favorite players). I aim to please, so here you go, Austin. Your five favorite players all starting on the Celtics. Team #5: My Favorite Players
Alright, now that I got that pain in the ass out of the way and he's probably stopped reading since I've already done his dream team, it's time for what really matters. My favorite players. This deal was just as easy as Austin's. Obviously, Amir and Lee are gone. That's a given. Jerebko is the final piece that is sent packing to bring some of my favorite players together. Parker did an amazing thing. He made me not hate Duke. Yeah, I know, crazy. Anybody who can do that belongs on my team of favs.
Starting 5: Curry, Thomas, Hayward, Parker, Olynyk Team #6: My Favorite Players Part 2
Hey, this is my article. My website. If I want to have two trades that are all about me, I'm going to. I, like Austin, love Leonard. How do you not? And since I was already dealing with the Spurs, why not bring in Duncan. Nobody doesn't like Duncan. Chandler Parsons was fun to watch at Florida. I haven't seen much of him in the NBA, but I liked him in college so he makes the cut. Finally, Manimal is going to be wearing green too. Another guy I loved in college. Actually, if you look at my favorite players, I like most of them because I loved watching them in college. Except Duncan. There are few people still alive that remember watching Duncan play at Wake Forest.
Starting 5: Thomas, Parsons*, Leonard, Faried, Duncan *Yes, I know Parsons is a small forward and not a shooting guard. How many times do I have to tell you this is my thing and I can do as I please?
If you were looking to see a trade that made somebody other than the Celtics an absolute powerhouse,
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SAMUEL PERICOLOSam is a graduate of Assumption College where he studied History, Marketing, and Political Science and was a Co-Producer on a weekly sports talk television show. Archives
March 2018
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